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Cutting Class

by Jasmine Leyva

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1.
one interesting fact about me the only friend i've made this week is by ex boyfriend's gameboy color it gets along with me like no other and my friends say to stop being so sick with worry cause in the end we're only growing up slowly oh, are you really friends of mine? filled with ridicule, genocide and cyanide and i find it funny cause you never text me back and he only never ever likes you when you're sad, man so cut me some slack you've been joking around with me for far too long cut me some slack if you'll notice, i'm not that strong
2.
my old friends don't seem to understand that i'm drowning and there's no sight of land so keep your steady gaze away from my face i'm stuck in my head and i'm out of place but my new friends, yeah they give me hell and they're so cool now, it's getting hard to tell if they even want me around i wanna jump off a building and never hit the ground cause that's where my anxiety lives under rocks, twigs, and sticks and between my lips and that's where my depression hides in grass, flowers, beehives and behind my eyes.
3.
Solitude 01:06
it's 10:12 it's nighttime and i skipped school for the ninth time and i know you'll be like "nevermind" and we won't be friends anymore just because i opened my eyes and god knows how hard i tried and in all my life i've never been so productive oh maybe solitudes not all that bad oh maybe solitudes not all that bad that boy you hate the boy that wants to fuck up his own fate finally asked me why i've gone away leading me in the wrong direction but rather let's talk about you the boy that's got me in the blues used to think you were a dream come true but you're just so frustrating oh maybe solitudes not all that bad oh maybe solitudes not all that bad.
4.
Extra Weight 01:02
i hope you see this on your facebook feed and go to listen cause you've been missing me it's the same old, same old, writing songs about you again only this time, my bedroom walls are closing in and i thought i blocked you out of my mind but i can't drink poison and expect you to die so stay out of my life, once and for all i don't wanna hear about your girlfriends or how i never call just know i'm doing fine, i'm so fucking great i'm happier without you, you were just extra weight.
5.
you said you don't need friends cause you've got pills then the very next day you're complaining about how you woke up ill so i'll say goodbye to my former lover cause i don't think i've ever endured anything tougher so tell me why i'm still trying and why you're still replying if i'm a fairweather friend woah, a fairweather friend woah, a fairweather friend a fairweather friend now i'm forced to watch this dry up like paint on a wall instead of expressively, creatively, artistically writing on a bathroom stall and i don't mind letting people in but you're in so deep you're crawling beneath my skin so tell me why you're still trying and why i'm still replying if i'm a fairweather friend woah, a fairweather friend woah, a fairweather friend a fairweather friend you said i'm contradicting and suicidal went from best friends to rivals and i know it's a lot to ask but please get off my back cause selflessness is something that you lack i'm nothing but a fairweather friend to you and that's all i'll ever be a fairweather friend
6.
she got what she wanted, the nerdy, needy type one who seems mature but can't even spell the word "commitment" right you said "my whole world completely caving in on me" he thinks the whole situation just seems completely numbing he's asking around cause he can't make his own decisions the only thing he's good at is burning bridges so i'll stand on the sidelines, thinking this is my fault she's taking all these chances skipping classes cause he doesn't think she can handle another broken heart you're crying over breakups acting tough and dying your hair a different color again he's taking advice and acting nice and fixing problems that aren't even there she's feeling the only emotions she knows but you're both already living in glass houses, throwing stones you're drinking, smoking, trying to get the pain to go away showing up to school hungover isn't exactly your best choice today he's grateful but honest and pathetically brought this upon himself, despite what he promised and i might feel bad but there's nothing i can do i'd tell you that you're wrong but it's all up to you she's taking all these chances skipping classes cause he doesn't think she can handle another broken heart you're crying over breakups acting tough and dying your hair a different color again he's taking advice and acting nice and fixing problems that aren't even there
7.
Lovely 02:22
you say you wanna see me but i don't think you know just what you mean cause that first song i wrote was all about you you said i was your one and only but you pick and you choose and while you're on vacation i'll run away maybe this time you'll notice you're just a cliche painting in your bedroom, in the dark thinking when you're dead and gone you'll leave your mark oh lovely mister kept my memories, kept my time you kiss me like it's no big deal it tears me up inside cause you don't seem to adore me the way you say you do oh lovely mister fuck your lies, and fuck your truth cause i used to tell you jokes but you told them to another now all i'll ever be is just an olden, untold lover so while you're skating on the coast, making best of the cold you'll go to san antonio leaving me without hope i locked myself in the closet, third time today i just can't seem to look at myself without feeling betrayed so i'll lay in bed but refuse to sleep now it's five in the morning and i've cut way too deep oh lovely mister kept my memories, kept my time you kiss me like it's no big deal it tears me up inside cause you don't seem to adore me the way you say you do oh lovely mister fuck your lies, and fuck your truth i spent all this wasted time on something i can't control but i still feel you in my heart, my blood, my skin, and my bones and i have a question, i don't mean to pry but when did that piece of me inside you die oh lovely mister kept my memories, kept my time you kiss me like it's no big deal it tears me up inside cause you don't seem to adore me the way you say you do oh lovely mister fuck your lies, and fuck your truth
8.
Future 02:26
i had a big future planned out i would learn to drive and take you to my house we would skateboard and read a lot of poetry then you'd paint on my back and i'd teach you to sing and i tried my first cigarette with you you took pictures and i kept blowing the smoke through i took hit after hit after hit after hit then i got so addicted you begged me to quit but you had a different image in your head i was never in your future, i lived in your past instead so take me off speed dial it's four in the morning, what could you have to say? you're nothing but a liar you asked to hold my hand but you led me astray a week after i said goodbye you asked if i was okay, and "it's okay to cry" but here we are in my bedroom again singing songs, taking pictures, forgetting what i said you'll call me late at night cause you'd love to talk but you can't ever find the time and i'll be sad and asking stupid questions cause you never give straight answers and ignore me when i mention "what is the image in your head of us in the future, do you see someone else instead?" tell me the imagine in your head you'd love to fall in love but you can't love me when i'm dead so take me off speed dial it's four in the morning, what could you have to say? you're nothing but a liar you said you'd always want me but you push me away woah, woah woah, woah
9.

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released May 16, 2015

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Jasmine Leyva Dallas, Texas

inspired by pop punk, pizza & her shitty hometown, jasmine sings about anxiety and the stupid things her friends say.

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